I received a letter from my Bankers this morning. On opening it, it revealed a Shiny Platinum coloured card and the business card of a gentleman purporting to be my 'Personal Banker'.
Hello, thought I what's this. Turned said item over. There was a number to call that was not the normal number.
So I thought I would give it a whirl.
Straight through, no question of queuing.
'Hello Sir.' took my account number. 'Just putting you through to your manager, sir.'
'Ahhh Sir (smarm smarm) how can I help today?'
'What is this service about, then?'
'Well sir, you are now a very valued customer.'
'But I haven't heard of this service'
'Indeed sir, most people are not supposed to. It is only for our most valued clients - ones who have a significant sum of money with us.'
'Well sir - you qualify for …'…(He then lists all manner of vulgar credit cards named after metals, outrageous overdraft sums, interest free loans and the like), 'and should you wish to discuss any of our products whatsoever, arrange a time - and I will come over to visit you at a time that suits you -at home or work.'
'I require none of those things at all, sir'. Sayeth I.
'Indeed sir, but as I a sure a gentleman of your obvious standing is aware - should you require them - we would decline them. They are available to you should you desire them.'
'But they involve the borrowing of money - not a thing I do'
'Indeed sir - we do notice that'.
'In other words, because I do not choose to borrow any money - you try and lend me very large sums'
'Quite so sir'
I hung up the phone and opened my other post.
It was an invite to a 40th birthday do. An old biker chum of mine is having it, and he is going to be in drag.
It would seem he is rather taking to the wearing of women's clothing. I am not sure it is entirely compatible with his career as a motorcycle mechanic, though.
Funny start to a Friday eh?