Thursday, November 16, 2006

Before I tell all about my holiday...

I was at my aerodrome the other day and I chanced upon some information in the industry press regarding what those blighters in Whitehall were intending to do my noble sport.

As you know (or maybe you don't) Gliding is not controlled by a Nannyist bureaucracy enforcing pages of health and safety legislation in every corner of it's world - as powered flying does - no, the British Gliding Association runs the show instead.

Now, Nanny wants us to fit heavy electrical equipment to our delicate little aeroplanes so that the sinister coves at 'Air Traffic Control' can see us when we pootle about the skies.

Or that's what they are telling us.

As you know, us Chaps are not given to taking what Nanny says without some cynicism, but we are not the types in tinfoil beanies. However, why should ATC want to see me fluttering about below controlled airspace at all?

I shan't go in to all the wonkery they lay forth. However, there is another reason.

Remotely Piloted Vehicles.

If we are invisible to ATC radar, then the RPVs Nanny wants to be in the sky can't see us, and consequently can't operate.

Why should Nanny want these things - more used to droning above the skies of battle fields in frightful places where Chaps take to shooting one another?

The answer is simple: To spy on us............Oh, they will tell us we need it for 'security' in the same way apparently telling Nanny who I am when they know perfectly well who I am, and criminalising my natural reluctance to do so - makes me somehow 'safer'.
No - these blasted objects are there to spy on decent honest chaps like me, engaging in moderate speeding on the highways, jumping the odd red light, and scuttling off to the chap who lives on the estate who provides me with relaxing cultural cigarettes.

You can bet it won't be used to track proper criminals, as it will infringe their human rights.

A humble Chap like me is not the sort to start a movement, as there is one running already. I have decided to take my own stand instead, and purchased the item below from B+Q. (Ghastly place it is though.) I think it will look good on the roof and I intend to loose it off at the first RPV I see. That'll teach 'em.


Available at most larger branches £1.2 million a shot. 10% discount on bulk orders, matches, guidance radar and liquid oxygen not provided.

2 comments:

Alfred of Wessex said...

Well, well, well, if it isn't an old Bloodhound Semi-Active SAM. Trouble is, my friend, you would also need a large fixed radar installation to guide this type of missile.

Better by far to go down the economy route and get an American Stinger or British Javelin (Blowpipes were apparently useless in the Falklands) - have a look at:

http://www.answers.com/topic/javelin-surface-to-air-missile

Not being involved in black-market arms sales, I wouldn't know where you would start looking for one, nor of the prices.

In terms of remaining invisible to RPVs, you might be able to reduce your radar cross-section by judicious use of radar-absorbing paint. Some are coming onto the market to reduce car owners' vunerability to road speed cameras. However, whether they will absorb at the required wavelenghts I have no idea. Might be worth discussing with any chaps who happen to be Electronics Engineers, though.

Nicodemus said...

Well spotted old boy! Bloodhound MkII.

I suppose I could always fit some forward firing machine guns to the old crate I fly. The advantage to that is when I have riddled the RPV, I can use the rest of the ammunition by strafing targets of opportunity.

Like CCTV installations with their new microphones.