Tuesday, July 03, 2007

T'North - A solution to their woes!

Northern types off to refresh the collective revolutionary consciousness

Alas - the monsoon hit the north rather hard this year - so what to do?

Well given the view from my window in the first class compartment as I trundle my merry way T'North - traditional arable agriculture is obviously waterlogged. Mile after mile of soggy field.
I have had a thought. This should be seen my our enterprising chums in T'North as an opportunity!

What wisdom can I - Chap 'o' T'North impart on my comrades?

Yes, comrades.

As they are as a rule a bunch of unmitigated socialists - who somehow believe in the inherent nobility of toil in fields, mines or the like, then my suggestion will suit them down to ground.


What are the benefits...?

They get to do back breaking toil bent over in waterlogged fields bare foot in freezing water (loads of scope of whining about the toil)

They get to go back to their classical agrarian roots

They get to wear the same black Viet Minh pyjamas and coolie hats - loads of revolutionary cred and solidarity with their Viet worker brothers (if somewhat 30 years out of date)

Lots of trudging nobly behind water buffalo

The return of decent illnesses like Dhobey rot and Trench foot.

We can even set up speakers at all the corners to play stirring revolutionary songs to them while their children denounce their parents for harbouring bourgeoisie tendencies.

Loads of red flags everywhere.

Gordo gets to wear a Chairman Mao suit while telling even more outrageous lies of how glorious everything is under him while his cabinet of muppets bark on about how their own slice of the cultural revolution is perfect.

AND….the final boon - price of basmati falls to reasonable levels - it's practically extortion in Waitrose.

So - I ask you….what's wrong with a bit of Maoism? It could be what we need in this country. Just so long as in a few years the benighted squad of onanists in Downing street get toppled in a very bloody counter revolution and we embrace Singapore / Hong Kongesque ultra capitalism, then it might be worth enduring the appalling tailoring and the water buffalo crapping everywhere.

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