Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Too Posh to Pooh

A chumrade of mine has asked me on what I can describe as the oddest adventure.
Now, she hails from north of the Tartan Curtain, but she has other more notable faults. Shameless castle-creeping, obsessive materialism, the stalker like pursuit of hedge-fund johnnies and other such misdemeanours of the Nouveau Riche bejewel her character like Rubies at a WI benefit and indeed this suggestion smacked of 'Ladies What Lunch'.
However the nature of her suggestion really caught my eye, and reminded me of so many of those headlines in those celeb magazines that this poor misguided lass worships.

'Let's go for a joint colonic irrigation session' she suggested.

I thought about this for a moment.

'The opposite of dinner I suppose, but pricey nonetheless' I said (Not dismissing it out of hand mark you - I get to see someone push a tube up her bum, a tale on which I could dine out on for while).

She then suggested we could go Dutch. I immediately thought - 'ah - ever the romantic', but then the wordplay was too tempting...Dutch colonic irrigation! - Images of Amsterdam, windmills, and fingers in dykes - this too, too priceless.....
Not for her the prosaic dinner in another identikit Islington restaurant. Oh No. She would like us to go out, and have tubes stuffed into our rears and warm soapy water pumped through until a state of Persil-fresh gussetry is achieved.

Now I have done some research into his, and other than the obviously hair-raising elements - it is supposed to be addictive.
Those of us gifted with addictive personalities should be warned to steer clear of such things - as the expense soon out weighs the benefits - and a grisly spiral of an andrex free existence combined with jugs, tubes and commodes awaits.

Imagine the scene - Chap at home with Memsahib:
'Sorry dear, I have blown the money we saved for that Chalet in Verbier on Colonic Irrigation. We shall have to go to Bognor.'
A scene reminiscent of the treatment will probably ensue, except I can imagine it would involve the poker instead.

Still - don't knock it till you try it, I say.

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