Now the ZanuLab conspiracy which runs our crumbling land would have us believe that those coves over in Europe (Pronounce it 'Yurp' to really bait the lefties..) are master gizmos at transport, and that they know all there is to know about the Autobahn.
Can they explain why I spent 6 hours in jams only in Germany.
Dual-cabbageways almost exclusively, and they can't make up their mind if they are using 'E' or 'A' nomeclature.
As much as it sticks in this chap's craw - I breathed a heady sigh of relief when I crossed the frontier into Belgium. An extra lane, fully lit and wider on all counts. Managed to get the old Alvis up to just under warp 9 as well. Cracking.
Have been back a while, but as is the way with these things - events, dear boy, events - soon take over, and I have had my face pressed up against glass of the window of life while I get everything sorted after taking a week out to play with Walter and the Abominable Strudelmen.
Big grey doesn't change though - always plenty to keep the hamster wheel a-spinning.
I will say though that spring for me has sprung, as the old conk is back on sniffle duty. Nothing to do with the Bolivians but it is the pollen that has made a comeback from hiding 'neath winters chill shroud.
Makes the country look rather comely from 2000' though and it reminds me how lucky I am to have the wit and ability to drag myself out of bed and make something of my life - instead of slothing it up on benefits and dissolving into a diet of Tea and Tricia.
Funny time of year for me though - the barky is out for her careening session as well. So I have DIY at home and afloat - a thought enough to bring down a fistula - or a serious bout of duvet lassitude.
So - to get me back in the swing of writing again....
In a piece of startling insight the government has discovered the answer to overcrowding on the trains . Yes, that’s it, put more carriages on them. Soon they will run them along the M4 bus lane.
Ten long years of careful study has shown our betters what should have been blatantly obvious to anyone who can count past three on one hand. Mind you, this was Two-Jags job when he started, wasn't it? All of a sudden you can understand that the cogs have ground themselves to dust on this one.
In other blinding flashes of common sense, the government will announce that ID cards are a waste of time and that we would be idiots not to have nukes with the Froggies still hanging on to theirs.
Given some of our lot's way - we would have Madam Guillotine in Picadilly and those filthy whiggish swine over here, eating our women, burning our babies and raping our cattle.