Dear Uncle Chap,
I have increasing begun to notice that some of my circle have not been able to find new jobs (after redundancy). The credit crunch has rendered others unable to re-mortgage & are presently selling their properties.
All & all, I am find my life depleted through their sudden lack of means to socialise. I was wondering if you could advise how I can begin to quickly generate some new friends?
Dear Anon (I know who you are AND where you live...)
I have found the following to be most advantageous:
1. Improve your personal hygiene routine.
2. Give away vast amounts of recreational pharmaceuticals and lascivious sexual favours.
3. Never mention the pustules.
4. Avoid underwear and especially in your case, admitting that your are (or have been) a socialist.
Such admissions draw derision outside of a few remaining pockets of idiocy in Hampstead and student common rooms.
Follow these simple rules and your will find yourself popular at Yacht clubs, Rubber Balls and opium dens all over London.