Friday, May 16, 2008

More Uncle Chap

Dear Uncle Chap,

I have increasing begun to notice that some of my circle have not been able to find new jobs (after redundancy). The credit crunch has rendered others unable to re-mortgage & are presently selling their properties.

All & all, I am find my life depleted through their sudden lack of means to socialise. I was wondering if you could advise how I can begin to quickly generate some new friends?


Dear Anon (I know who you are AND where you live...)

I have found the following to be most advantageous:

1. Improve your personal hygiene routine.

2. Give away vast amounts of recreational pharmaceuticals and lascivious sexual favours.

3. Never mention the pustules.

4. Avoid underwear and especially in your case, admitting that your are (or have been) a socialist.
Such admissions draw derision outside of a few remaining pockets of idiocy in Hampstead and student common rooms.

Follow these simple rules and your will find yourself popular at Yacht clubs, Rubber Balls and opium dens all over London.


Anonymous said...

Dear Uncle chap, i find myself in Thailand. I have had several offers of thai massages and some have even been from those who approximate women. As a connoisseur of bohemian entertainment, nay een of sexual extremes, what advice can you offer (garnered as it were from your vast experience in such matters) in the avoidance of the ladyboy?

Anonymous said...

Thanks Uncle Chap for the recommendation - The ’Rubber’ ball was thoroughly enjoyable (JJ was as predicted a perfect host) – despite the weight loss through excessive perspiration is still took a full tub of talc to wrestle myself out of the garments, which consequently have been laundered (best as possible) & dhl’d back to you!

Thanks again!