Dear Uncle Chap,
while languishing in a bath over flowing with bubbles, I reached over to grasp a glass of Louis Roederer Cristal 1990 Krug; only to find that my toe is such in the tap.
Could you please outline a 5 stage rescue plan to come & save me. The bath water is now getting coldSincerely, H
Dear Miss H
What?! The drinking of such indicates that you are one of such that we call the particularly vulgar type of 'nouveau riche' - for whom the mentioning of brands as such some how validates your status - but merely serves to display your insecurity when faced with breeding or even the attendance at a decent public school. It indicates a soul wedded to the crudest form of mercantilism and a mindset unfitting for polite company. I shall give you no advice, for there you should stay.
If you had become stuck as you had been sniffing the tile adhesive in a futile attempt to get high or had fallen and broken something whilst servicing yourself with the power-shower head, my sympathy would be entirely with you. As such you are fit only for the pillory and in this case, prune-skin.