Monday, January 08, 2007

Jet Lagged into a Stupor.

Hello dear reader, the Chap is Back.
I have thermonuclear levels of jet-lag as a consequence of spending 31 hours crammed in a tube with the underwashed, and not a free upgrade in sight. Not a happy chap.
Was back in Blighty Saturday night, but stuffed up my sleep patterns, so despite being back at my hamster wheel, I am staring glassily at my monitor with nausea and exhaustion.

Now, I have tales of derring-do, quelling the natives and spreading the word of Chappism amongst our colonial chums, but as I haven't been on for nearly a month, and I want to keep this column pithy, pertinent and present-tense. Thus I shall set up a separate thread for 'The traveling Chap'. I can encompass my notes from France (Now yellowing on the parcel shelf of the Chapmobile) and more of the tales from 'Our Bastion in the Pacific - a Chap heads south.'
Can't promise it today, but I have so many tales of which the Night with the Oil chaps was mild to say the least - it would distract from the day to day joys I need to share with you all.

What I will say is this, 13 hours of time difference plus 31 hours in transit seemed to have the same affect on my body as taking a handful of Naughty Tablets, but without the pleasant sensations associated with those little pills for the first six hours. In other words, this feels like the come-down from hades. I intend to slink off early, dose my self with a thousand drops of laudanum (Or Gin) and allow a suitable brown study to slip me into morpheus' tender embrace. Sleep may yet evade me tonight as I ran out of vallium as well, having scoffed my stockpile to get me through what Virgin Atlantic call 'In Flight service'. Personally I call it recycled cool-brittania imagery that looks so 1997, and stomach churning vids of the satan of self promotion trying to convince us poor blighters that he gives shit about my pending thrombosis instead of the value of his media profile.
Oh, and having Vic Reeves voice over the safety video just shows the Vic is desperate for work not that you are in someway 'with-it'.

As you see, Jet-Lag removes my natural sang-froid. Next time, I shall take the Imperial service via Sydney, Darwin, Singapore, Rangoon, Calcutta, Bombay, Bahrain, Alexandria Brindisi, Le Touquet and Croydon Aerodrome. Air travel should include wicker chairs and well shaken martinis.

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